When you get hurt, it’s easy to close yourself off. It’s easy to shutdown, strongly dislike men or women just because you categorize them as all the same. Have you been cheated on? Has someone just abandoned you or broke your heart? Have you spent months or even years sulking about it, holding on to it, not forgetting nor forgiving? Me too! I had to learn all about what self love really was, not guilt. How can you blame yourself for someone else’s actions? Especially when they may be extremely harsh, disrespectful and full of ill intention.
When you are closed off, you mind, body and heart are all closed off too. It isn’t just an emotional disconnect. These pieces of you are intertwined and make your entire being. If one is off, the rest will suffer in some manner.
I was the former president and founder of the anti-men club. Hi, nice to meet you! Thought I hated men, I used that word once. I have no hate in my heart, in my being but because of my damaged persona entirely, I thought they were all bad. I would find flaws in every guy that came along, find an issue, a negative habit he did that was undesirable; I did everything to make sure I wasn’t happy with him. Now let me make this clear for some women reading, I’ve always had high standards, it’s just who I am. High heels, high standards, but, what I was doing was literally finding any, single, small reason to make sure I wasn’t into a guy. I noticed all the reasons why it wouldn’t work instead of why it would.
^The aspect of you that you think isn’t affected but totally is. Everyone is different but I manifest stress physically. I get bloated and sick and just swollen. When I’m stressed, I know I am because I see it. When we have anxiety, fear, depression, pain, it’s possible we have physical effects such as breaking out, losing weight, gaining weight, biting nails, thinning hair…think about it. If you aren’t healed or feeling like your mended, your body sure as hell won’t either.
When you shut down, you shut out others. If you’re too different, you get scared but to the contradictory degree, if you’re too alike, you get scared. Now what, now how can you be open to being happy with a partner or even friend? Joy, happiness, love; if you cannot find this within yourself, it is a ticking time bomb to self destruction. I’m not saying it will come immediately or that it’s easy. It took me a long time but what I didn’t realize was how for most of that time, I was blocking me. It wasn’t my ex, it was me. He was the fool that lost me and tried to get me back countless times but knowing my worth was where I was strongest. Holding on to anger was where I was the weakest. I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t not assume that every guy was like him.
Do not write off every relationship from the jump.
Know that a damaged relationship usually takes two and if it took the other, then that’s between that individual and him/her self.
Be open, receive what comes your way, it may be the one it may not but you either win or learn.
It isn’t the end of the world, we all have relationship crap we go through.
Love yourself before you think you can let someone else love you.